When my seven-year-old son Liam visited me on weekends, I made sure everything was perfect. He had difficulty with anything outside of his normal routine; just leaving his mom's home in Woburn to visit me on the Cape stressed him out.
He'd get out of the car, frazzled, flapping his arms around. But if I stuck to a specific routine, starting with the Sponge Bob video, then Friendly's for dinner and ice cream, he'd calm down and we could have a weekend like any other father and son.
Sundays he'd eat cheerios with two spoonfuls of sugar and watch Sponge Bob while I made a picnic lunch: American cheese sandwiches on white bread with the crust cut off and a zip lock bag with a dozen baby carrots. Once I forgot to buy the carrots, so I cut up some celery. When he discovered this he jumped up and began pacing and flapping his little hands around.
The picnic was made and we took the trolley to the Woods Hole Aquarium, always our first stop of the day. The place was ideal for Liam—it was small, dimly lit and quiet. There was nothing to set him off.
We started at the wolffish tank, Liam pressing his fingertips and nose against the glass. I circled around and saw his face, wavy and distorted, through the light green water. He was grinning, his eyes tracking a large toothy wolffish.
We went to the striped bass tank, looked at the blue lobster and ended at the cylindrical jelly fish aquarium. Liam was enchanted by the flower-like creatures' gentle dance.
Then we stepped out into the sunlight to see the seals. Liam rushed ahead to the cement wall and looked over the edge. I saw his head turning from side to side. I got to the pool and stood beside him, leaning my elbows on the wall and looking into the clear water. Where were the seals? I scanned the edges of the basin seeking their dark oval shapes. There was a rock formation on the opposite side that they sometimes swam under. Liam's hands started flapping. "It's okay, buddy. They're just hiding."
I walked around to the other side of the pool. "Come on, Liam." I looked into the water. Nothing. My heart sped up. Liam was beside me looking too. He groaned softly and tensed his shoulders. "It's okay, buddy. We could just go eat lunch now." He flapped, moaned, paced. I snatched his hand and marched back into the aquarium through the exit. "Look, Liam, jellyfish." He looked, but his face was taut, his hands trembling.
I called to the old volunteer at the touch tank. "Hey, where are the seals?"
"Why they've been rehabilitated and set free. Isn't it wonderful!" My belly knotted up. I took Liam's hand and pulled him out. I had to get him back home in front of the Sponge Bob video.
He froze at the pool, locked his legs. "Sorry, buddy, they're not here. They went back home to the ocean."
His body tightened and he ignored my gentle tugs on his hand. He gazed toward the empty pool, soft moans emitting from the back of his throat. He jerked away from my grip and ran to the pool's wall and paced, flapping his hands.
I had to stop this. Something about his spastic motions felt like claws ripping at my belly. I saw a teenage girl walking a shaggy gray dog coming our way and I thought to ask her if the dog might be coaxed into taking a dip in the seal pool. I smiled at her, but she ignored me, glancing at my frantic son.
I couldn't let this go on. If he got traumatized, maybe he'd refuse to come visit again and I would not let that happen. I kicked my shoes off and climbed over the cement wall and lowered myself into the freezing water. The cold shocked me, but Liam was back at the wall, still groaning but watching me. My teeth began to chatter. I power walked around the pool to get my blood moving and keep warm. "See, Liam, it's okay," I said. He watched, his faced crinkled in worry.
On my second lap I dove under the water and began swimming around the pool, doing the breast stroke. I found I could stay warmer this way without my torso exposed to the wind. My jeans and shirt retrained me in the water, but I powered through and when I popped my head up I saw Liam watching calmly, a small grin on his face.
A crew of older boys appeared on the wall beside Liam. I would catch a glimpse of them every time I raised my head out of the water. They watched, a tall skinny blond boy with a perplexed look on his face in front of the group.
A lady came out with a paper cup of fish, the ones you buy in the aquarium to feed the seals. The blond boy took the cup and threw a silver fish into the pool in front of me. I watched it float to the bottom.
"He's not a real—" I heard before plunging back into the pool. Through the water I saw Liam's hands shake. I dove to the cement floor and picked up the fish, a skinny little sardine or mackerel. It's just sushi, right? I stood up and took a nibble. I could barely taste it.
I was freezing with my chest exposed and dove back in. I heard a plop and another fish appeared in front of me. I snatched it and bit half of it off before letting the tail float to the floor. The kids were smiling, clapping, Liam between the tall blond and a curly-haired kid with a cast on his arm. Good Lord, I hadn't seen him interacting with other children since preschool.
Another fish plopped in front of me and I caught it in my mouth, tipped my head back, opened my throat and swallowed the thing whole. I felt it, cold and slick, sliding down my esophagus and into my belly. The kids were howling their praise, even Liam was clapping.
Energy and joy surged through my limbs. I scrambled onto the rocks, got to my knees and smacked my forearms together. I felt a vibration in my throat and chest and projected several deep hoarse barks. Then I dove into the water and swam laps till some interns from the aquarium came and insisted I get out of the seal habitat.
Dripping briny water, Liam and I went into a souvenir shop where I bought a "Woods Hole" hooded sweatshirt. Out front I peeled off my button up and put on the new hoody. Liam and I strolled to our bench overlooking the sailboats and ate our lunch together. I could only finish half of my sandwich.
He'd get out of the car, frazzled, flapping his arms around. But if I stuck to a specific routine, starting with the Sponge Bob video, then Friendly's for dinner and ice cream, he'd calm down and we could have a weekend like any other father and son.
Sundays he'd eat cheerios with two spoonfuls of sugar and watch Sponge Bob while I made a picnic lunch: American cheese sandwiches on white bread with the crust cut off and a zip lock bag with a dozen baby carrots. Once I forgot to buy the carrots, so I cut up some celery. When he discovered this he jumped up and began pacing and flapping his little hands around.
The picnic was made and we took the trolley to the Woods Hole Aquarium, always our first stop of the day. The place was ideal for Liam—it was small, dimly lit and quiet. There was nothing to set him off.
We started at the wolffish tank, Liam pressing his fingertips and nose against the glass. I circled around and saw his face, wavy and distorted, through the light green water. He was grinning, his eyes tracking a large toothy wolffish.
We went to the striped bass tank, looked at the blue lobster and ended at the cylindrical jelly fish aquarium. Liam was enchanted by the flower-like creatures' gentle dance.
Then we stepped out into the sunlight to see the seals. Liam rushed ahead to the cement wall and looked over the edge. I saw his head turning from side to side. I got to the pool and stood beside him, leaning my elbows on the wall and looking into the clear water. Where were the seals? I scanned the edges of the basin seeking their dark oval shapes. There was a rock formation on the opposite side that they sometimes swam under. Liam's hands started flapping. "It's okay, buddy. They're just hiding."
I walked around to the other side of the pool. "Come on, Liam." I looked into the water. Nothing. My heart sped up. Liam was beside me looking too. He groaned softly and tensed his shoulders. "It's okay, buddy. We could just go eat lunch now." He flapped, moaned, paced. I snatched his hand and marched back into the aquarium through the exit. "Look, Liam, jellyfish." He looked, but his face was taut, his hands trembling.
I called to the old volunteer at the touch tank. "Hey, where are the seals?"
"Why they've been rehabilitated and set free. Isn't it wonderful!" My belly knotted up. I took Liam's hand and pulled him out. I had to get him back home in front of the Sponge Bob video.
He froze at the pool, locked his legs. "Sorry, buddy, they're not here. They went back home to the ocean."
His body tightened and he ignored my gentle tugs on his hand. He gazed toward the empty pool, soft moans emitting from the back of his throat. He jerked away from my grip and ran to the pool's wall and paced, flapping his hands.
I had to stop this. Something about his spastic motions felt like claws ripping at my belly. I saw a teenage girl walking a shaggy gray dog coming our way and I thought to ask her if the dog might be coaxed into taking a dip in the seal pool. I smiled at her, but she ignored me, glancing at my frantic son.
I couldn't let this go on. If he got traumatized, maybe he'd refuse to come visit again and I would not let that happen. I kicked my shoes off and climbed over the cement wall and lowered myself into the freezing water. The cold shocked me, but Liam was back at the wall, still groaning but watching me. My teeth began to chatter. I power walked around the pool to get my blood moving and keep warm. "See, Liam, it's okay," I said. He watched, his faced crinkled in worry.
On my second lap I dove under the water and began swimming around the pool, doing the breast stroke. I found I could stay warmer this way without my torso exposed to the wind. My jeans and shirt retrained me in the water, but I powered through and when I popped my head up I saw Liam watching calmly, a small grin on his face.
A crew of older boys appeared on the wall beside Liam. I would catch a glimpse of them every time I raised my head out of the water. They watched, a tall skinny blond boy with a perplexed look on his face in front of the group.
A lady came out with a paper cup of fish, the ones you buy in the aquarium to feed the seals. The blond boy took the cup and threw a silver fish into the pool in front of me. I watched it float to the bottom.
"He's not a real—" I heard before plunging back into the pool. Through the water I saw Liam's hands shake. I dove to the cement floor and picked up the fish, a skinny little sardine or mackerel. It's just sushi, right? I stood up and took a nibble. I could barely taste it.
I was freezing with my chest exposed and dove back in. I heard a plop and another fish appeared in front of me. I snatched it and bit half of it off before letting the tail float to the floor. The kids were smiling, clapping, Liam between the tall blond and a curly-haired kid with a cast on his arm. Good Lord, I hadn't seen him interacting with other children since preschool.
Another fish plopped in front of me and I caught it in my mouth, tipped my head back, opened my throat and swallowed the thing whole. I felt it, cold and slick, sliding down my esophagus and into my belly. The kids were howling their praise, even Liam was clapping.
Energy and joy surged through my limbs. I scrambled onto the rocks, got to my knees and smacked my forearms together. I felt a vibration in my throat and chest and projected several deep hoarse barks. Then I dove into the water and swam laps till some interns from the aquarium came and insisted I get out of the seal habitat.
Dripping briny water, Liam and I went into a souvenir shop where I bought a "Woods Hole" hooded sweatshirt. Out front I peeled off my button up and put on the new hoody. Liam and I strolled to our bench overlooking the sailboats and ate our lunch together. I could only finish half of my sandwich.
